Pick up a book on pastoral care and it’s likely to make an assumption – it’s likely to assume that you live near the person you are seeking to support. Suggestions from reading the Bible together at home to popping round with a meal, lovely though they are, need you to be fairly geographically close. Of course, within the local church – many of us do live quite close to one another, so many of us can just drop round. But what about those people who are a little further away? Think about that person commuting into a city centre church because the local church preaches a very different gospel. How about that member of the church who has had to be placed in housing at a distance because of domestic abuse? Or that mission partner in a different country? What about that family member who is deeply loved but based in a care home miles away? Other than arranging an occasional visit, how do we support them?
Prayer is blind to geography
It may be obvious but it’s important to state: prayer is the most loving thing we can do for anyone in need. As the Spirit works, lives change – and talking to the Lord about his activity is a privilege. Many of us will have had the thought “I wish I could do more than just pray” – and there is some good in that instinct – but we do well to recapture the powerful and personal nature of prayer. It really is the best thing we can give. And it’s appropriately humbling to see how the Lord can bring incredible transformation sometimes without us doing anything else!
Technology can be personal and timely
Some of us love it – others of us hate it – but technology undoubtedly has its place in our 21st century world. Whether it’s a message or a video call, there are ways of keeping in touch and sharing lives with those who live afar. Not all parts of the world have a fast enough internet connection for sustained video-calls but most places can accommodate communication of some kind. Keeping things personal is key to good communication here:
- A video screen that shows your torso and hands, not just your head, enables much more body language to be picked up.
- A message that contains a short prayer that you’ve written yourself not just a “praying for you” emoji brings far more relational depth.
- A short voice note rather than the written word helps people hear your tone.
But there are also easy ways to share lives with people online. Would you be willing to listen to the Sunday sermon again with your friend? Many churches post their sermons online – listening again can be great for us, it can be faith building for those who are more isolated or alone. And we don’t have to just listen – we can talk about how the sermon can be applied to each of our hearts, our lives, this week. We can send our friend a link to one of the songs too, to meditate on at a later date – singing stirs the heart. The call to spur one another on to love and good works remains even when apart.
Books too can be read together online. We can read chapters to one another on a call (doing so is less weird than it sounds!) Or read the chapters in advance and discuss them via Zoom or just by sending each other some texts. Is it as helpful as being in the same room? Maybe not. But it’s far better than others being left with little support.
There is more than one local church
Our church may be a long way away from our friend, but another church may be quite close. And here, some joined-up thinking between churches can be a beautiful thing – especially if our friend is away for a time-limited period. Dropping the minister of a local church a line, seeing if there are ways our friend can be invited to something local can be a wonderful way to help those we love get biblical nurture. Churches vary – we know that – but it’s worth a conversation. The local church can’t help if they don’t know – and maybe they do have capacity for at least a short term 1-to-1 / a ministry to those in care homes / a support group for those new to the country, or something else that our friend would find a real joy. Working out how communication about ongoing care will happen is an important facet of such plans.
Old school warms the heart
In this fast-paced world of instant messages and social media storms, there can be something deeply alluring about a good old-fashioned letter. Putting pen to paper is a slower form of communication but that is part of its preciousness. Taking the time to write says, “I care about you enough to set aside time”. A letter (compassionately written) is an act of love. It’s a good biblical tradition too – think how prolific writers like Paul would have been. And many of us will know just how much our heart is warmed when something handwritten drops through our door. It’s rare, so it captures our imagination, and brings us joy.
Random acts of kindness bring blessings
Ostentatious gifts are rarely appreciated – repeated gifts or big gifts tend to embarrass rather than bring delight. But the occasional random act of kindness can be wonderful. What would your friend appreciate? What would make them smile? A teabag and a tissue on a bad week? It’s close to what we would give them if they were here. A voucher for a takeaway, so they can treat themselves to something delicious without having to cook? Or a taxi voucher so they can get out with ease one weekend? How about a ticket to an online concert? (I love listening to classical music “with” a friend online – and texting our thoughts to one another as we go). Or something like a book or audio book can bless the heart. Spiritual is good – practical can be appreciated too – I remember one missionary commenting to me that she loved all the biblical material but sometimes it would just be nice to get some of her favourite toiletries or biscuits from home.
Being far from someone we love can make caring difficult. But, with a little creativity and a lot of love, there is much we can do.
