My home backs onto a deer park, and over the past year it has been a joy to observe their communal rhythms. Most dramatic, autumn is rutting season. The annual fight to prove dominance and assert mating rights comes with bassoon-like calls, antler clashing, and flamboyant posturing from the males, who generally keep a low profile the rest of the time.
Not long ago, I was walking through the winter-bound park and heard a distinctive call coming from a ranger’s vehicle on the path. Moments later, 5 or 6 huge stags and a few females came trotting out of the woods, following him up into the hills in a docile line. Jesus’ words sprang to mind. “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27). These deer recognised the ranger’s voice. They knew from experience that if they followed him, it would be good! What a powerful vision for what church is created to be. A community attuned to Jesus, committed to following him individually and together. No concern for position, power, or dominance; no in-crowd or out-crowd. Is it any wonder that it hurts so deeply when distrust, accusations, and gossip rear their heads and hijack our hearts? When division and hurt spread their toxic effects?
As in the rest of life, relationships in church are complex and messy. They are lived in the middle of a story of redemption that is achingly already and not yet. Nevertheless, we can grow in wisdom. We can seek to be agents of grace, alert to dynamics that if left unchecked, can pull a church apart.
1. Listen
Surely, our first call is to be people who cultivate an appetite for our shepherd’s voice, who know that where he leads is good and satisfying. To be disciples who are committed to pointing each other to Jesus in the ups and downs of daily life.
But when people are getting offended, hurt, and defensive in church, it can be hard to know who to listen to. How can we better discern the voice of our shepherd when everyone seems so sure they have a monopoly on the high ground?
Even as he reassures that his sheep (all of them) hear his voice and follow him home, Jesus warns that there are other voices around the sheep. Voices that are committed to harm and destruction. Sometimes these are wolves dressed as sheep, who do not belong to the shepherd at all, but come and promote destructive agendas in and against the church. Maybe it’s possible to think of times where that has happened in a church you know.
More troubling is the reality that sometimes, as genuine sheep, we can find ourselves listening to and repeating the voice of our sworn enemy. The one who only wants to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).
Does this sound extreme?
Think for a moment of Peter, the first disciple to grasp and acknowledge Jesus’ identity. Peter, who had this truth revealed to him by the Father (Matthew 16:16-17). Peter, whom Jesus rebukes, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” (Matthew 16:23). It is a sobering truth that our redeemed hearts can still align themselves with an anti-God agenda.
2. Discern
James warns very starkly that there are two very different wisdom-systems available to us (James 3:13-17): heavenly or earthly (evil). So, it is critical for us to develop humble discernment. Thankfully, we have clear guidelines that mean we do not have to be able to know everything in another person’s heart.
Following Jesus’ teaching, James gives some very down-to-earth advice. “Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs?” (James 3:12). In other words, look at the fruit to discern the heart’s allegiances. Church is not yet fully sanctified, so there will be mistakes, misunderstanding, sinful behaviour. Forgiveness is the normal currency of the Kingdom. But ongoing strife, back-biting, withdrawal, grumbling, suspicion, quietly building an alliance of discontent, and the like…these fruits are never healthy.
3. Speak
James applies the fruit-root principle to a situation that goes to the heart of much conflict at church: being willing to praise God in gathered worship one day, and to go on to tear down a brother or sister the next. Quite simply, “these things ought not to be so” (James 3:10).
This does not mean ignoring sin or failing to speak about difficult things. It isn’t a solution to sweep hurt and disagreements under the carpet in a misguided attempt to ‘keep the peace’. Hebrews warns about the danger of leaving ‘roots of bitterness’ unattended (Hebrews 12:15; see also Deuteronomy 29:18-19). They have a way of multiplying and causing trouble that are community-wide and catastrophic.
It does mean being very careful about how we speak and, by extension, how we listen. There are many passages in the New Testament that helpfully remind us what fruit comes from a heart in step with the Spirit, and the opposite. It is striking how much emphasis is given to the way we use our words.
Consider Ephesians 4:29. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” As we talk in and about church, are we avoiding conversations that tear down: gossip, slander, criticism, and so on? Are we learning how to talk about challenging things like sin, disagreement, and misunderstanding in a constructive, grace-filled way? These things matter. Getting our speaking wrong grieves the Holy Spirit himself (Ephesians 4:30).
Follow the shepherd
There is good news, even for people like us in churches like ours…especially for us! We are sheep. Our job (and our joy) is to follow our shepherd, even when the terrain is unfamiliar and scary. He knows where we will find soul rest and refreshment. He knows the ways through valleys so dark we can’t see the path. He isn’t just a great leader, or able to fight off enemies. He loves his sheep so much that he gave his own life for us. As we lay down what seems right to us, and embrace the wisdom from heaven, he is making us into people who hear his voice and walk in his ways. Jesus loves his church. He has come to dwell in his people individually and together. He is our peace. Come, Lord Jesus.
