As we seek to help others, the question of what is a good question is, well, a very good question to ask! Good questions lead us to a better understanding of another person and their struggle, and to know a person well is the foundation of all good ministry with them.
In his book, To Know a Person, columnist David Brooks says ‘Each person is a mystery. And when you are surrounded by mysteries, as the saying goes, it’s best to live life in the form of a question.’ Or, as a wise man once put it, ‘The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.’ (Proverbs 20:5)
And so begins the quest for good, x-ray questions.1 The first questions ever recorded in human history (Genesis 3) were designed to open eyes, shine a light and help us see – to know ourselves and others. In eating of the tree, Adam and Eve became blind and in need of help to see more clearly and deeply – they needed x-ray questions to give x-ray vision so that they might peer into those deep waters and know the depths of their own hearts. Here are God’s four x-ray questions:
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- Where are you? (v9)
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- Whose voice are you listening to? (v11a)
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- How are you responding to my words? (v11b)
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- What have you really done? (v13)
Let’s take each in turn.
‘Where are you?’
We can easily misread this as a question about location. But of course, God isn’t peering behind trees and bushes, hide and seek style, trying to find Adam and Eve. God knows all things – ‘Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?’ declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 23:24). He’s asking a question much deeper than location. He’s asking about relation. ‘Where are you in relation to me? We fellowship together and now you’re hiding – where is our relationship at? Where are you?’ The Lord, in just a few words, exposes the state of our first parents’ relationship to him and opens their eyes to distance and hiding from him.
This is a question I ask every week in one shape or another and we can ask it in a number of ways: ‘How is your spiritual life? How is your walk with the Lord? How is your relationship with God?’ We want to be careful of course. Those we are helping can be struggling spiritually and we won’t want to add further guilt when their relationship to God feels like a dimly burning wick. Maybe we can ask, ‘I’m sure it’s hard to read and pray at the moment. How are you doing in relation to the Lord?’
‘Whose voice are you listening to?’
This is a version of ‘who told you that you were naked?’ The Lord is here exposing the voices and influences that have misled Adam and Eve. But it’s a question that reaches deep into the heart’s allegiances. What ‘truth’ is being believed and followed?
As we help others, we might hear comments like ‘I think God is angry with me’ or ‘God could never accept someone like me’ or ‘why would God be interested in my everyday struggles’. ‘What do you mean?’ might be a helpful next clarifying question, followed by ‘I wonder where that idea has come from?’ or ‘Where might you have heard that kind of thing said?’ This can expose the false narratives of a liar and accuser, or the misleading ideas of the world, or the fears of our own flesh. It opens the door for the person to hear a better voice that speaks grace, comfort and hope.
‘How are you responding to God’s voice?’
This is a version of ‘Have you eaten of the tree that I commanded you not to eat?’ Or ‘what have you done with my commands?’ God had spoken a good word that would keep his children safe and grow their faith. But they had responded to God’s words with unbelief and disobedience.
We want to know how God’s word is being received and responded to. We are keen to know where God, by his Spirit, is speaking and applying his truth. We could ask, ‘How is God’s word sounding?’ We can aim to discover if God’s words are seeming relevant, persuasive, inviting, challenging, convicting – or detached, irrelevant, maybe even scary – and how that person is then responding to that word.
‘What is this you have done?’
This is not just fact-finding. The Lord is asking in effect, ‘do you know what you have really done in relation to me?’ This begins to expose the true nature of eating from the tree. Light dawns upon Eve as she can see that the serpent deceived her into disloyalty.
‘What have you done’ turns the spotlight on actions but when asked by the Lord it also probes the underlying motives. We might ask, ‘Let’s think about what was really happening in relation to the Lord when you said x…when you did y…when you reacted in this way…? Were you turning to him or from him? What was really happening in your heart?’
Living life in the form of a question is wise. But the best questions – that deeply probe the mysteries that we are – come from the one who knows all mysteries.
1 David Powlison wrote a seminal Journal of Biblical Counselling paper entitled “X-Ray Questions: Drawing Out the Whys and Wherefores of Human Behavior“. The article goes on to list 35 questions designed to descend into the well of our motivations, our ‘whys and wherefores’ in order to understand the ‘purpose in a man’s heart’. They serve as x-rays, exposing what’s beneath the surface, seeing what can’t be seen without further probing.
